Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
