i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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