i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
