She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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