I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
