she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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