Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im holly from the hills drunk
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
