I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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