Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize