If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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