The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
