Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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