U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize