My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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