No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
