You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize