I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize