So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
