apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
