I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
