Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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