Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
