never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
