so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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