I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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