just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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