I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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