i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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