i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
