Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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