ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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