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i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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