Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize