Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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