someone get that fucking seahorse.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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