I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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