Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize