At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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