I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
