i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
