Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
