I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
