It's Friday. Sex?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
