Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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