You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize