somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
