Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
