i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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