Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
