i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
