Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Umm I'm too high to move.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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