I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
