i think i have two assholes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
