I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
