How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
