OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
