I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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