are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
