I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
