I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
