feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
