Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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