apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
