Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
