he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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