My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
