She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
