Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
no you cant smoke seaweed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
