I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
