wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
