I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
