Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
