You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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