Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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