The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just high enough for therapy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
