the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
As shirtless as possible
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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