Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
