I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you had me at cake vodka
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
