Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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