this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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