Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
