College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Randomize