so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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