I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
