How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize