You made me cry and you don't even care
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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