dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
