Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
