ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
