Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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