I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
