I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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