i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
