why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize