So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
