I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
