you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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