apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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