if you like me you must not know who I am
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize