U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
