This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
