Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
