Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
