Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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