this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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