But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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