I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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