This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
